A Day In The Life

So, I thought today would be a good day to chronicle my supremely interesting, more or less unemployed lifestyle. Because, obviously, that’s something that people want to read about.

8:00 – I wake up, and give myself total props for being up at a normal hour.*

8:02 – I turn on sports talk radio, and am disappointed that all I get are basketball and hockey stories. Does anyone else realize that there were at least eight spring games this weekend that I can think of off the top of my head? Including that of Notre Dame? Not to mention that it’s baseball season? And my White Sox are in first place? Any story involving either college football or baseball would have been infinitely better than hearing about the NBA playoffs, which will end approximately three games into the college football season.

8:30 – Sufficiently ready to commence my job search (read: have my makeup on), I go online and find nothing at my typical places where I look for jobs. Check my email and my dad’s blog (which you should check out, too, while we are on the subject). I read several (read: approximately 25) different accounts of the Notre Dame spring game, which I attended, so it’s a somewhat pointless exercise, as I am perfectly capable of telling you that I am still mad about Jimmy Clausen taking a knee at the end of the game.**

9:15 – I decide that clothing is an important part of my day, and spend the better part of the next fifteen minutes deciding that the first dress I picked out of my closet is the one that I want to wear. I consider putting the other ten dresses I have picked out back in the closet, but then think better of that idea.

9:30 – I start unpacking the car from my weekend at Notre Dame. After getting everything out that might possibly go bad over the course of the day, I end that exercise prematurely and realize that I have more important things to do, like go to my parents’ house and read (for anyone who cares, I started In a Sunburned Country, by Bill Bryson, last night. The fact that I actually stopped reading to go to sleep is a bit of a remarkable fact, because, so far? The book is awesome. I reserve my right to change my mind if it suddenly turns into a lecture).

10:00 – I head to my parents’ house, where I plan to enjoy the 70+ degree weather on the deck with my book. And yes, this is my entire plan for the day. I arrive to find their four cats acting as if they haven’t eaten in days. When I get to their food dishes, I see that there is still food in them from when I fed them last night.

10:15 – I get settled and down to the important business of the day. Which is, of course, reading, punctuated by random intervals where I stare of into space for minutes on end, thinking about such important topics as, “If I were to win the lottery, would I choose to remain anonymous?” and “What color shoes don’t I own?”

12:30 – Realizing that my parents’ cats are all on their heating pad and it is 70 degrees outside, I unplug the heating pad. That’s just wrong. They need to enjoy this beautiful weather.

12:40 – The cats are giving me sad looks (or so I think) because their heating pad is no longer toasty warm. I plug the heating pad back in, and they go back to lounging in happiness. Because, obviously, if it’s 70 degrees outside and you’re wearing a fur coat, it’s important to have a heating pad so you don’t freeze to death or anything.

12:50 – I note that I haven’t eaten yet today. I consider remedying the situation by driving into town to go to Taco Bell ($2.82 for three tacos? I am so there), but that’s ten minutes from here and requires me to, you know, get in the car and do something, so I make some soup. Because, obviously, if it’s 70 degrees outside and you want something to eat, chicken noodle soup is definitely the best choice. Evidently, the cats are influencing me.

1:00 – I watch the cats for a few minutes as I eat lunch (I have some trouble with the whole eating and reading thing. I love to do it, but it usually ends with me wearing more food than I get in my mouth. Not a fashion statement I am keen on making, as a general rule).

1:15 – The cats are supremely uninteresting. Really, when a robin lands approximately three feet in front of you and you are too lazy to even make a half-hearted attempt at catching it and eating it (and thereby giving me a story to tell to my parents later today via email), you are officially boring.*** And, oh yes, I just insulted cats.

1:30 – Read on the front porch.

1:45 – Fall asleep reading.

2:30 – Wake up from my unintentional nap, happy that I didn’t manage to drool all over myself. Go back to reading.

4:00 – I decide that I should write a blog post about the day that I am having. Because, you know, so many interesting things have happened to me today that I should put this out there on the internet for other people to see and be left for all eternity.

4:01 – I remember that the internet is working only intermittently at my parents’ house, and have been too lazy to do anything about it, like figure out the problem and fix it (which will probably only require me to turn the modem on and off, but um, yeah, the modem is all the way upstairs, and I am not, so I can wait until I go home to read the Drudge Report). But, Miss Prepared that I am, I realize I have a jump drive in my bag and I can just write the post and go back to the book, then post later. Because it has definitely been worth your time to read all of this. That’s right, two minutes of your life you can never get back.

*Yes, I realize that when I was working regularly, the idea of waking up at 8:00 a.m. would have been a wonderful (yet almost incomprehensible) idea. But really? I love that I haven’t seen a sunrise in several months. I was getting sick and tired of those things by the end of last summer. Sunrises? Overrated. Particularly when you’re already at your desk for the day. Sunsets? Particularly with a lake, boat, and margarita involved? Totally underrated.

**However, without these stirring accounts of the game, would I have realized that Jimmy Clausen is going bald? Most definitely not.

***Any snickering about how this parallels my own life is probably (read: definitely) deserved at this point.