Thoughts On Two Weeks

The following is a self-indulgent post. The last two weeks have been hellish for me, and I am finally able to rejoin the ND world. This serves as your warning should you choose to go on.

I am generally a happy, optimistic person. I have tried to be something else, but, in my heart, I hope for the best. I am, in the F. Scott Fitzgerald sense, a sentimentalist, not a romantic, try as I might to be a romantic (in other words, I hope against hope that things will work out in the end, as opposed to the romantic, who hopes against hope that things will not work out). I like happy endings, and Walt Disney, and I don't feel the need to apologize for it. Give me the choice between a romantic comedy and a drama, and the former wins every single time. Life can suck; no need to make it worse by being a pessimist about things.

That said, the last two weeks have been horrible for me.

I was at the Syracuse game. Having lived through the Ty era, I know I should never expect victory, but I really did expect to win that game. It was as close to a gimme a game as ND has ever played since I have rooted for ND. Certainly more so than the armed forces games, where a disciplined team comes out playing their best, or even a San Diego State game, where an inferior opponent can overwhelm a young team that is a bit overconfident. The only game that comes close is Washington this year, and ND won that game without trouble.

To lose the Syracuse game was a feeling that I have never felt for ND football. Sure, there have been unexpected losses in my short time as a Notre Dame fan (see: Navy 2007). And there have been gut-wrenching losses that strike emotions I have never felt before (see: USC 2005). But something about the Syracuse loss sent me into a tailspin that has taken me two weeks to recover from.

I wish I could say why this loss struck me so much as it did, but I am speechless on that point. All I know is, I have wanted nothing to do with college football for two weeks. I haven't submitted picks to Subway Domer's contest (even though I was in the Top Ten prior to this funk), and I haven't spent my normal time perusing the various ND websites that I frequent. I just wish that this season would end, baseball season would arrive, and I could move on with my life.

Frankly, I didn't even care whether ND hired or fired Charlie. I haven't read a single article, or watched a television segment on the subject. It just does not interest me.

For a few days, I wondered whether this was a normal reaction. But then, I remembered what someone once told me: the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.

The problem for me is, I fear that I am moving from love, to apathy. I have had hate for this team before, but I recognize that it is a momentary feeling, akin to love. It will pass, and I will go back to love, with a passion that I didn't realize I had for ND football before I saw what I would be missing without ND football my life.

I can see me moving toward apathy, and I don't want to go there. I LOVE watching college football. I LOVE that for several months of the year, my life is consumed with football all day Saturday. I LOVE that I am willing to drive 500 miles in one day, just to watch my Irish lose a game that they could have won, because the team means that much to me.

Perhaps the problem is that I am not looking at enough self-help books. Maybe, the Irish are just not that into me. Or maybe we are from different planets. Or maybe we just have trouble communicating.

I know this is the point at which I am supposed to provide my big solution to the problems of the team, but I can only offer random opinions. For example, Jimmy Clausen appears to have the same major problem as his older brothers - a perfectly adequate quarterback, but not the kind of quarterback who will lead you to glory and fame. All of the best training in the world cannot give you the instinctive desire to win of a Tiger Woods, and when you are on the big stage, it is going to show.

But really, at the end of the day (where I am now), the only solution I have is simple. This team needs to start winning games. There was a point in the season where I thought the team was about to turn a corner, and start winning games handily, like they should. Unfortunately, the team seems to have gone the wrong way, subjecting us fans to losses like Syracuse. For one of hte IGB posts, I mentioned that the most important figure to me was wins. And we definitely did not have enough of those this year, bowl eligible or not.

At this point, my expectations are lower. I just want this team to start winning games. More importantly, I want them to make me feel something besides apathy toward them. I don't want ND to be just another school, just another item on my resume that I don't think about after I leave. I want the school to give me a reason for people to talk about it in a good light, not to force me to turn off my television to avoid the worst of Sportscenter.

So really, in the end, this email is just a plea to ND football, to make me feel something toward the program besides apathy. I wish I could hate the team; hatred is better than not caring. So, please, ND, I plead, be excellent or awful, just do not subject me to another season that makes me fail to care.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.